When not broadcasting, John Varmint writes the obituary column for Needlework Monthly Magazine and sells home made Christmas cards. John is the oldest Varmint and the other members of the team regard him as a father figure, especially when he gives them all pocket money.  Born shortly after the end of the Crimean War, he was brought up on a farm in Birmingham where he was in charge of the chicken shed and washing the eggs.  Having qualified as a dentist, he had to give up his promising orthodontic career because he was allergic to mouthwash.

In 1987, John shook the hand of his hero, the lead singer of Doctor and the Medics, and it is believed that he hasn't washed his right hand since. His favourite food is deep fried Mars Bars and he lives in a converted mobile kebab van with sixteen cats, seven budgies, three hamsters and his collection of Beano comics.

Click the thumbnails below to see full size pictures of John.